We met at the beach

Hey :)

I hope you are doing well, but I would rather ask. How are you? How have you been? Do you still feel that your head might explode at work? I hope it does because I know how much you love your baby. Aagaara. I do not know what it means and am a bit lazy to google it, but it sounds beautiful.

You know how I always turn life events into stories, but I never wanted you to be one of them. Because all the stories that I have are just that. I don't feel connected to them. More importantly, they belong in the past, and I no longer have those people. I never wanted you to be in the past. The moment I saw you, I wanted you in my life. One person in my life who I am very attracted to but didn't want to sleep with just yet. So, yeah, you were my first.

I never went out on dates or cafes or traveled to meet anyone, and I always felt that I could never do that for anyone, but I did for you. It was magical. The time with you. It was like I was in love. I fell for you when I saw you waving at me on the beach. It was like a trance. It was like something I had never felt. So I did it all because somewhere in that stupid head of mine, I thought I had a chance at love and that someone could love me back. I walked holding hands, smiled like an idiot, and heard the violins play in my head, almost everything that love makes you feel. But that was just it. It was all in my head.

You broke my heart. Well, I did. I pretty much did all of it. You were always this perfect guy who said the perfect thing, was at the right place all the time, and knew how to make someone feel at home and make them smile like fools all the time. You never did one thing wrong. It was all me. I felt, thought, dreamt, I did, loved, I laughed, I cried, I walked, I went on a date, I traveled, I went on another date, I thought, I wondered, I cried, and I lost it all. It all feels like a dream. Not once I felt so good in life, but then it had to end.

I wish I could describe my feelings for you, but I know I will suck it and make it worse. You've read my letters before but never knew how much I cried when I wrote each one. You keep asking if there is something I need; there is. I want someone to just hold and wrap their arms around me. That's what I need from you. And that is all.

The past 12 hours have been the craziest of my life, and the first thing I wanted to do when I woke up was write this. So, I am sorry for feeling what I feel and making you party to it. Whatever the future may hold. So I am sorry I felt too much and was too much for you :')

Your someone in Krabi,

M.