In You, I found Myself

My dear go-to-friend,

I hope this letter finds you when you are struggling with the concept of love. When you finish reading it, I hope you realize that the way you love is just more than enough for anyone. If someone feels otherwise, they never deserved it in the first place. I hope I can assure you that the way you love is flawless, selfless, and honest.

We met two years ago, but I have felt like I have known for an eternity. I was always drawn to you. You had this pull that never ceased to exist. You, my dear friend, are special in your way. Trust me when I say this, I have never met anyone like you. You have always put the happiness of others above yours. I want you to know that you are the friend I always wished I had. Now, I have you and am grateful for having you in my life.

You are raw, my friend. Your love is raw. And what we have is raw. But, the world does not understand that basic things are ripe one day. The ones who are willing to wait with you shall be the ones who hold you closest to them. People tend to avoid things that are yet too ripe because raw does not taste good but is the purest form of anything. The most beautiful thing about you is the way you laugh. Your laugh is genuine; I have not seen anyone laugh like you. It is as if it is not just a function of your vocal cord and face but your heart. You laugh your heart out. You may not live fearlessly and fiercely, but you love like that.

You are an open book, but only for those who wish to read. You are one of those first editions everyone dreams of having but cannot. You are the unfinished endings of my poems, you are the courage that holds my words together, you are the pronouns that make things bearable, you are the adjectives that beautify everything, you are the exclamations, and you are the conjunctions that do not let my sentences disperse, you are the strength that holds the pages of my life, you are what binds me to words and to myself. You held onto me when I was at my worst. You, my dear friend, are what everyone wants but doesn’t deserve.

You are yourself, inside out, making you ‘you.’ I remember the day I saw my world crashing down, but you made sure I wasn’t alone. You did not let go of my hand even for a second because you feared that I might get buried under the stubble if you did. You kept holding my hand for months, and the grip did not loosen away with time, my demons, or the sweat. It kept me together for as long as I needed it. In you, I found a friend who I could rely on in every breakdown I may ever have. In you, I found someone unwilling to let go because I am hurt, but that brings you closer to me instead. I found a person in you who does not wish for their perfection but that of others. I found a soul in you that only sees the best of others. In you, I found myself.

So, the way you love isn’t perfect, but it is something beyond that. Perfection does not define you; you define it. You made me see what I am capable of doing whenever you could. You made sure that I always had you. You made sure that I did not lose myself. You made sure that I began to love myself. You made sure that I do not believe in the way I was loved but in the way I loved. You taught me that loving isn’t always painful and that holding onto someone does not mean losing oneself. You were my savior, and you still are. I wish everyone gets a savior like you because it changed me for the better, and everyone deserves that.

A heart that wants to never let go of you.

Your not-so-stupid-anymore friend,
Shallu Jaglan