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Home And Other Things

My dear (I’ll find the word later when I will be in a better condition to give it a thought)

I hope this letter never reaches but reaches you, somehow. It is a little more than I had expected. To be honest, things felt like home after years. I had started to socialize again, became a little more complicated, laughed my heart out, and cried like a baby. All at the same time. This state of euphoria kept me alive. I never thought I would say this to someone, but to you, I will.

A song I have had close to my heart in all these years is ‘ Where I stand by Mia Wray.’ The beauty this song holds is beyond the lenses of life. But, in the end, what matters is that you did not help me achieve anything; you helped me realize that I have a long way to go, and he promised that it would be happier. You. I do not remember the last time we talked, but I couldn’t help focusing on your words or my feelings simultaneously. The way words dance in ‘Taare Zameen Par’ also happened to me.

The other night, I was intoxicated, and you were too. I never knew that romantic gestures like holding hands would be a thing someday. It felt like home. It felt safer than it did with other people. I have always been drawn to arrogant people because I have felt this for years, which seems normal nowadays. I never wanted ordinary because ordinary felt boring. But I realized that sometimes ordinary is what’s best for you because you aren’t ready to fight all the storms alone, especially when you aren’t ready.

There is so much more to life that I want to talk about with you. I may not be the most courageous person, but I tried and ruined it. That’s what I am good at, ruining everything. People, places, things, love, and relationships, among other things. I never wrote a love letter, so I do not know what it feels like to write one, but I know it feels amazing. There would rather be a place I want to be in, or ever. I am not ready to fight my demons, are you?

I’ll send you another one (some 50 years down the line)
Yours (later)