Goodbyes and More

My dear family,

I hope this letter reaches all of you, especially those who never want to read it. When you read this, I hope you do so with a wide smile and maybe a few drops of tears in your eyes. When you read it, I hope you remember every second of what we had and what we lost in the space between time and the world.

I always knew that I had to say this someday, but I never knew that I'd have to say it this soon. I knew we'd all just depart one day, and the Old Gupta Chowk would never be the same. I knew that one day we'll all be packing our bags to take over the world and bid each other the last goodbyes. I knew that one day, we'd just fade away from each other's lives and never be the same again. I knew that all along, and I was naive enough to not acknowledge it.

My Old Gupta Family, this one's for you, and I will keep parts of each of you close to my heart and take them with me wherever I go. I promise I'll keep you close to my heart and never let anyone scatter my memories of you. I'll cherish them like I once cherished my first love. I'll keep you close like I kept the memories of my grandmother, who passed away years ago but still lives within me. I'll never let anyone close to these memories because I know that if I do, I will lose them all. And I cannot afford to let that happen. Maybe I can, but I'll choose not to because you are too special for me to let you go.

I am someone who never promises 'forever' but believes in them. Like all of you, there wasn't a forever, to begin with, but there is a forever for me to keep. Whenever I see the stars shining brightly in the moonlight sky, I'll see each of you shining brightly and wish you'd do well. I'll do that for you because that's the least I could do. Wish you well. I tell you, those stars and the moon have fascinated me ever since I was a kid. It kept coming to me when I was vulnerable and broken, but it ensured I was never the same the next day. That's what memories of you will do to me.

I am already breaking down writing this, but I'll keep writing it because I owe you this, and you owe this to me. For me to write it and for you to read it. I once thought that poets and writers should just keep their thoughts in their minds and set them free in the vacuum of time, but now when I think about it, I know why they don't. They don't do that because they want them to be there, somewhere, in this world to exist, just like I want to keep your memories alive even in the darkest of times and even when I am no more. I'd want someone to read it and laugh at the kind of idiots that we were.

We lived. We laughed. We fought. We cried. We apologized. We forgave each other. We hugged. We kissed. We drank too much coffee and chai. We did all of that with a smile, and I do not know about others, but that was more than anything I had ever asked for.

You were there for me whenever I needed you, each one of you. And I'll never let this feeling fade away. But, I am someone who wishes for a 'perfect goodbye.' I imagined we'd all just drink the last cup of chai, give each other a warm hug and a peck on the cheek, and wave goodbye. But time took that from me. I never got my perfect goodbye. But, time gave me more than I had asked for. So, for the time being, I'll forgive it for suddenly taking you away.

You'll be there in the poems I write, in the memories I make, in the places I go, in the beds I sleep, in tears I'd waste, in the memories, I'll cherish, in the dreams I'll make, and in the life I'll live.

Yours
Today and everything that comes after it

Shallu Jaglan