You Saved Me When I Couldn't

My dear brother,

I hope this letter finds you when you are not at the lowest of your low but at the highest of your high. I want this letter to find your way only at the right time at a time when you would be able to comprehend every single letter of this letter. I am sewing my heart along with it, and I know you will keep it safe. I believe you will never let anyone touch or break it.

I remember when I first talked to you or the first time you talked to me. I wasn’t used to feeling safe and protected around anyone, but you were different. You said just one line, and it had a huge impact on me. I hope you remember the chain of events after that. I tried being with you the same way you tried to be there for me when no one was. I could feel in your eyes the kind of emptiness I have felt. The kind of longing and pain is not easy to find. But, it took me just a second to look at your face, and the innocence you had buried deep inside you flashed right into my thoughts.

It has been four years since us talking. I would be lying if I said it had been a lovely journey. Although it was a beautiful journey, its highs and lows make this relationship special and precious. I know what it takes to destroy pieces of your every second of the day and the yearning to be saved after that. Your life hasn’t been easy, brother, but it hasn’t been for anyone. And you have coped with that well.

I cannot count the number of times you made me feel special. When I used to feel unlovable, you made sure to love me at my worst. When I thought I did not deserve peace, you sat quietly with me for the next few hours. When I thought about giving up, you taught me why I shouldn’t. When I believed things would never get better, you ensured I wasn’t alone. You taught me that we cannot also be our saviors, and sometimes it’s better to let someone be that for us, even if it is for a while. You taught me that a ‘knight in shining armor; is just a depiction of our own version trying to help us out when hatred gets heavy.

You are the closest thing I have in life who I can call ‘someone who understands me. Since immemorial, you have protected me from the world, people, and most importantly myself. You saved me, brother. I was hanging by a worn-out thread struggling to live, when you told me that I wouldn’t fall. You were there to catch me, and you always will. I fell many times after that and was always there to ensure I wasn’t hurt.

You taught me many things in life, but the one I will take with me everywhere I go is that life is not a journey to be lived or a destination to be achieved; it is something in between. It is figuring out the decision of having to move and hold on. You saved me when I couldn’t and held on when I wanted to let go.

I hope you find the solace you have always longed for.

With love, respect, and faith.

The heart you did not let break,
Shallu Jaglan