You Live In The One-Time-Box

My long-lost love,

I hope this letter follows you everywhere you go. I hope the distance between your footsteps is measured by it. I hope that wherever you go, a piece of it stays. It stays on the same table you sit on, the exact chair you pull out, the exact coffee you order, but not in the same receipt you carelessly throw away. Because I want it to stay. To stay with you because I cannot. I hope it stays there to remind you of me. To remind you of us.

Do you remember when we first met? I know you don't, but I do. We were kids at primary school, and you were a senior. You were the kid with the most bewitching eyes. How can I ever forget those beautiful eyes? Those hazel-blue-grey-amber eyes. Whereas I was a typical nerd-weird-shy-timid girl. I remembered you for years but could never know why. Do you remember that we took the same bus back in primary school? You don't, but I do. We sat opposite each other in the dining room, but you don't remember that, do you? I used to give extra toffee to you on my birthday. I knew there was something special in you. So, I remembered you. I kept your memories alive when we changed schools.

I have always believed in the concept of the heart box. So, the heart box is my heart, but it is metaphorically a thousand times bigger than it is and consists of boxes. The boxes vary in shape, size, color, and the kind of lock they have on them. Every box has a different kind of lock. Whenever I meet someone I know I will remember for a lifetime, I assign them a box, and when they leave, I lock it and throw the key away. I do this because even if the person is gone, I want their memory to stay with me. I am telling you this because you, my long-lost love, occupy the biggest box and the only one that does not have a lock on it. It was the one-time box. This particular box could not be opened ever again because my heart made sure that there should be one box that would always stay closed and that the most beautiful person lived in it.

I did not see you for 6 years, but I remembered you. You know, life has its way of doing things. It had its reason when you did not fade away with time. Exactly four and a half years ago, I saw you again. You sat opposite me, and when our eyes met, it did not even take a nanosecond to realize that it was you.

You looked different when we were kids. I would've forgotten your existence if it hadn't been for your eyes. I could not resist talking to you, and I texted, 'Hi, remember?'. Of course, you didn't, but I had to ask. That's when the trouble began; you texted me, 'Hi, you are Alisha's friend, right?' I laughed, and so did you. Before we could realize it, we were in love. For the first time, I felt what being loved meant. You made me see what the world failed at and that I can be loved unconditionally.

I opened up to you and shared my deepest fears with you. I told you about the dreams I had seen for some years. I told someone I had panic attacks for the first time, and that person was you. You lent me your ears in a world where people hear you but are deaf. You lent me your shoulder in a world where people have shoulders but tell you that they have lost their limbs. I shared with you the most beautiful days of my life. I shared with you, my love. But I think we were not meant to be the one for each other.

We were meant to uplift each other and put each other on the path of finding the 'one.' In the process of loving unconditionally, we lost each other. What time we could not do, we did. We faded our existence within our hearts that were once unaffected by colors. We kept moving into the blacks of life, thinking they would lead us to the whites, but they didn't.

I remember seeing you at the airport because that was the last time I saw you. Tears were rolling down our cheeks, but only this time, we couldn't wipe them off. We were seeing each other for the last time. And what departure would it be if it did not accompany the flashback of memories and tears, right? You waved goodbye with a heavy heart, but I did not. I could not gather my courage to lift my hand to wave you goodbye, the very hands that touched your face every time we kissed. The very hands that accompanied yours every time I was afraid. The very hands that wrote love letters to you. The very hands that were a catalyst whenever I hugged you. The very hands that were once in yours. How could I have let those hands bid you goodbye?

I hope this letter reminds you of us and our time together. Because the only thing when you left has taught me is that life is all about memories and the places we store them. And you, my long-lost love, will always stay in the one-time box of my heart.

Wishing that we had more time.

Your long-lost love